Holy cow. I am pretty bad at this whole blogging thing. And a lot of it has to do with how busy I am, or the my lack of a computer the past few months, or maybe, just maybe, it has EVERYTHING to do with the title of this post. Because if I was being completely honest with myself, the reason I haven’t posted in forever is because I have been having an awfully hard time with contentment. In fact, I have been pretty discontent in a lot of areas. This discontent has seeped into my relationships, my self worth, my confidence, and my regard for others. Yet, the lord calls me to find my worth in him, to focus on pleasing HIM not people, to be content in what I have rather than what I am lacking. This is what He desires of me, His daughter. And yet, I often think that I don’t have enough clothes, i don’t feel beautiful, I don’t feel enough, I doubt my abilities, i question my worth and my purpose. How crazy. I am a daughter of the King and yet, I still don’t feel as though I have and am enough. So, the Lord has been working hard. And truthfully, I have been working hard. Working hard to build a daily life of contentment because truthfully, just like anything, I get to chose everyday whether I will have a spirit of contentedness. So here are some things I have realized over the past few months.
I can rock a hat like no bodies business. This is a new realization.
I have a great group of friends. Not large in numbers, but plenty full of genuine love and care for one another.
I can cut a rug.
I have a great closet, full of thrifted pieces and trendy pieces. One of my greatest joys is reworking clothes and putting together outfits. I have to be most creative when I don’t have the latest and greatest. Thats a good thing!
I am pretty good at my job. Not because I am great at planning events (I often forget little details) or because I am always on time (I’m working on my sleep schedule), or because I am super knowledgable about children and the bible (because I still have so much to learn.) BUT I love people. I truly do. And I love to serve people. Pray for people. And right now my mission field is little people. And I get to build into them, I get the esteem privilege of helping them see there worth in Christ.
So, I’m trying. I’m trying to focus on being content and finding my worth only in Christ. “Am i now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God? Or am i trying to please people? If i still were trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10. And thats what I am. A servant of Christ. Striving to live for him, failing often, but still serving Him.